So the month of October was a successful "No Caffeine Month". Which was amazing considering my reliance on the stuff before. However, November bought with it the H1N1 virus, and the dry cough that characterizes it. So I started on the cough syrup. Which has sudafed. Which is addictive, and a bad thing to get addicted to. I am not going to go more into it to avoid "teaching" anyone anything.

Now I'm drinking the stuff straight out of the bottle. I've switched to the stuff only containing the expectorant (the only lingering problem from the flu is the mucous) but I still take the straight up syrup about 2tsp throughout the day. This weekend it was more. And I'll take it before my 6am hot-yoga class, which is a really bad thing because I KNOW that I should not have sudafed in my system in the heat.

So a few good things- I now cannot take caffeine anytime after about 3pm because it will affect my sleep patterns. I'm on more like 2 servings per day, and they really work, rather than three and it's just to stay awake.

I need to decide what to do with my life in the next term. I guess I need to talk to J about it, too. So many ideas, so many desires, so little time. :)

I am at my wit's end here. Can someone tell me how to post a photo in a reply on LJ?!?

edited to say: OK, thank you to the people who helped me!

I've been in the library all night, just goofing off at the computer. It is so nice. I miss my alone time with the computer so much- I really, really crave it.

I also crave more exercise. Now that I'm over the whole swine flu thing, I have the energy to do things like Bikram and running. I'm on a 100-runs-in-100-days challenge, which started on Wednesday. I bought 20 Bikram classes too.

I love being on campus- I wish I could live here. I find myself wishing SO often lately that I was single, I find myself wondering at least once a week if there is a way I can move out and not upset him. I just need my alone time, that's all.

Library's about to close, I'm going to head to J's mum's place (my old place) and soak in an epsom bath and read some more papers. And have a pomegranate for dinner.

Today ive had skim decaf, weight watchers 1 point creme caramel, piece of shortbread. damn christmas food im not feeling the smallest bit jolly. then lunch rolled around and out came the ham... i ate a cheese pickle and ham sandwich:(
why was it so easy before????!!
going to try to sneak out to have a smoke and just try having more decafs for the rest of the day.
arrrrr!
still frustrated that i cant'go'
ive tried everything!
i realli need to get rid of this fat
xoxo

"A progressive New Zealand Church wants you to know that not all Christians are lame. To that end, they've put up a billboard displaying a post-coital Mary gazing longingly at the sky (that's where God lives), while Joseph lays next to her looking dejected. It reads "Poor Joseph. God was a tough act to follow."

(Source: http://www.alternet.org/blogs/peek/144643/god%27s_divine_sperm_lib_church_shakes_up_story_of_jesus%27_birth/)

Lame? Believing in the virgin birth is "lame"? Believing in a God who can actually do stuff (such as perform miracles) is "lame"? I'm sure the author thinks it "lame" to react when one of our major beliefs is openly mocked and desecrated.

The author then goes on to talk about the wonders of "progressive" churches who accept everybody.

Now I'm not one for kicking people out of churches...

but every core religion requires a belief system.

There's something that makes you a follower or not.

ANYONE CAN join the church...

BY believing in the things that Christians believe.

Otherwise, it's not progressive Christianity.

It's unitarianism, universallism, relativism... Pick a category, know your history, but it's not:
a. new or
b. Christianity.

It's one of the above-mentioned philosophies packaged in Christian trappings which bear no resemblance to the real thing.

The vicar of this church talks about the "real" message of Jesus being (essentially) social reform. He mentions getting away from the big man in the sky and talking about the "real" message of helping the poor.

I am a committed Christian. I am also personally working for social change, specifically in urban public education. While other people talk about social reform, I'm in the trenches, working day in and day out to get at-risk youth from elementary school to college. I am no stranger to ACTUAL social change. But I would not bother being a Christian apart from "that man in the sky". (In fact, I wouldn't bother with the social change either.)


There is, frankly, no real reason to keep doing any of the things I'm doing apart from a person--not a just force, not a blob of love, but an actual person, who weighs the decisions of my life and considers me as a person with mercy, care, and love. Apart from a God who exists and the possibility of actual heaven (not a fairy-tale to dissipate when my body decays), there is no actual hope for me or this world. Not to be a nihilist (I'm not), but there's an auful lot of tragity in this world. Life does not play fair. Things fall apart and break constantly. Without that big man in the sky, I don't believe the cosmos would ever return justice to those who have suffered, say, the tsunamis or floods or devistating wars that have destroyed lives. Social reform can't give those back. According to progressive religion (its hard for me to even call that Christianity), those victims don't have a hope of heaven either--the great nothing in the sky has eliminated that possibility. What "real" hope do those people have?

If there is no big man in the sky, what reason do I have to do social work at all? If he doesn't care with interest about what I give my life to, why should I bother? I'm out, Jesus was just some guy, let me live for myself. This life is short and tragic anyway. That big man with his love and his justice is precicely what compels me to do the things that the billboard church espouse as "the real message". Take away Christ's divinity, and you also remove his authority. That I find to be lame.

That and glib mockery of centuries' old beliefs.

I fucked up SO BAD!!! i was excellent all day did a shit load of walking then dinner.... lotsss of ham, then pasta salad colslaw. fucking hell wtf is wrong with me the party is friday!!!
xx

I *think* I will be going back to school 2 days per week in the new year. This is so fantastic. I feel so hemmed-in by this live-work situation with J, and by the fact that I am working in the auto industry, which I know nothing about. ( Read more... )

I need to get a team together for next year. My goal every year is to have a team that trains together in the off season- nips those issues of sleepmonsters (after racing for 24+ hours on no sleep) and night-orienteering together. And for me, the sensitive stomach issues. I think I can get rid of the throwing-up while racing thing by stopping the caffeine pills and taking caffine-laced gels instead. They don't seem to bother me as much, maybe because they're buffered?

I need goals to train for otherwise I'm going to decide there is no point to eating. Those feelings are very close now.

I have been going to Bikram yoga and running more, which is good. I need to do minimum 1.5 hrs exercise per day for the rest of the year, and then move on to a regimented program come the new year.

I need to ask J abut being on my team too, which is difficult because he's so unpredictable with his attitude towards my athletics. One day it's "You're a good little athlete", the next it's "You're never going to finish Ironman becuase you're not training enough". BTW- I beat him in the only race we did together last year.

Defining my goals for next year and trying to get stuff done from my to-do list- that will be the focus of the rest of the year.

Now it's time to study.

Grrrrrrrr! just had another fight with 'that guy' again. god sake this is unvelivably shit i didnt even do anyting. nothing worse than getting hung up on! didnt binge at work but when i got home i scoffed straight down a hot roll then luckily ate my salad. might excercise tonight. need to budge this weight
:( xo